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Friday, February 8, 2008

LND; Harassment & Windsailing

I was with a group of young people. We all had things we had to do individually. The young people were hostile toward me, however. Whenever I was around they'd make fun of me. A young man seemed to be the ringleader & tended to start it all the time. I went away for a while to work with a few different people (not part of the group,) who were setting up a windsurfer. We talked about how Asian people, in particular, tended to like windsurfing. Soon I had to go back to the abusive group. M.F. was among them now, but she was nice to me, in spite of peer pressure. It was a relief to have even one friend.

This is a direct reflection of problems I had throughout jr. high & high school, where I was a complete outcast. Those were the hardest years of my life, particularly as things were even worse at home. Most of those memories have been repressed for decades. The few times something flashes back to me I hurt as intensely as if it were yesterday. There's still a lot of anger & resentment there & I don't know that I'll ever successfully process it. I don't worry about it, though. I'm happy now, I really am, even if a demon occasionally screams at me from the dark.

Another Canadian picture today; Decew Falls in Autumn. I was hanging by one arm from a tree while taking this picture, dangling over a 100' drop. A couple of people walking by paused to make sure I didn't accidentally plummet to my death.

13 comments:

Kate S said...

God, the nightmare years. {{hugs}}
So glad you and Charles are happy.

Sidney said...

I gotta start a dream journal. I lose good ones with the dawn too many times.

Lana Gramlich said...

Kate; Me, too. :) *hugs back*

Sidney; It can be very interesting. Sometimes I look back at old dreams & laugh my head off.

Marvin said...

Glad you hung on tightly and didn't slip.

Lana Gramlich said...

Marvin; Me, too. I'm very glad the tree didn't give way, either, as it wasn't big & was growing out of the cliff face!

ChristineEldin said...

I have similar memories. And I agree that they are just as intense and painful as they were back then.
I remember in a therapy session being told I was neglected as a child. It was eye-opening, because although there wasn't any real abuse, both parents were totally checked out of the family. I worked from the age of 14 and bought all my own stuff. I had to hide money so my mother wouldn't 'borrow' it.
Anyway, I don't mean to talk about me.

I am so glad you and Charles are together. Look forward to a happy future. But do find someone to talk to if you need it. It helps.

(p.s. sorry about my avatar on this kind of post)

Charles Gramlich said...

High school was certainly not a terribly pleasant time, but nowhere near as bad for me as for you. I wish I could have been there for you then.

Donnetta Lee said...

Lana, I, too, have nightmares of those days. Very poor, poor childhood. Many skeletons in the closet. They rattle their bones at me periodically. So, I try to keep the closet door locked. They peer out from time to time in a story I write. Go figure. Happy you and Charles found each other and you are happy now. Nothing like a knight on a white horse--or motorcycle.
Donnetta

Lana Gramlich said...

Christine, Charles & Donnetta; Thanks for the support. *hugs all around* So sad to think of so many kids growing up sad, afraid, alone, etc. Even sadder (& sometimes scary,) when you factor in the inefficiency or downright neglect of child protective service agencies. Perhaps saddest to realize that none of it is likely to change anytime soon...

(No problem on the avatar, Christine. *LOL*)

Billy said...

My son was harrassed by bullies for years, and though he has moved on, I think he still bears some scars even today.

PS. I have always been fascinated with lucid dreaming. Did a post on it a few days ago.

Lana Gramlich said...

Billy; A recent news article cites an interesting study on the subject of bullying.
I'll pop by for a gander at the lucid dreaming post shortly!

T.R. said...

Lana - high school was tough. It just made no sense - 800 in my class. I was definitely on the sidelines. I became such an introvert but it also taught me survival. I don't have any dreams about it -- now college -- I am always dreaming that I forgot to go to class and that I never graduated.

Lana Gramlich said...

T.R.; Yes...there's a great lesson to learn from painful experiences. These days I occasionally dream I'm late for work. Hate when that happens, as I typically bolt upright in bed to find it's not even dawn yet. <:\

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